


Four Times Jared and Jensen Didn't Have Sex, and One They Did

by daniomalley



Series: Pirates!verse [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-01
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-12-07 05:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/744723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniomalley/pseuds/daniomalley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared's been rescued from his life as Captain Peters' cabin boy, but he's having a hard time adjusting to life on Jensen's ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Times Jared and Jensen Didn't Have Sex, and One They Did

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [The Extraordinary Tale of Jensen's Heroic Exploits](http://archiveofourown.org/works/730378). Written for the 'abandonment issues' square in hc_bingo, and originally posted on 2/7/11.

Jared had been trying really, really hard to not screw everything up. It was difficult. Everything was so different from what he knew before. For starters, there was all the sailing stuff he didn’t really know how to do. Everyone had been so patient and helpful, teaching him things he needd to know, over and over again. But he wasn’t learning fast enough and eventually the crew and Jensen would get tired of having to pick up his slack. And then there was... everything else. Jensen hadn’t said anything about wanting his bunk to himself once more, and they were still sharing it. Every night they squeezed into it, side by side, back to back, and Jared wasn’t sure why. Jared was starting to think Jensen was never going to touch him like the Captain had. He seemed to have all these rules about it. But if that wasn’t going to happen, then Jared wasn’t sure why Jensen hadn’t sent him to sleep in the hold with the rest of the crew. Jensen had every right to ask for his own space, but he hadn’t, and Jared wasn’t sure why.

He’d been thinking about this for over a week, ever since they left Jacob and Attis on that desolate little island. He thought that maybe Jensen wanted him. He’d said he did, anyway, although Jared couldn’t make sense of Jensen’s actions since then if that was really the case. Jensen had said that he wanted Jared, and then spelled out some conditions for when he’d be willing to sleep with him. Not if Jared felt obligated, he’d said, which made no sense, because Jared did feel obligated, because he was obligated. And Jared didn’t want Jensen to think he was ungrateful. So that didn’t work. Not if Jared was scared, that was the other thing he’d said. Jared thought this one was really unfair. He’d been afraid for so long that he didn’t think he knew how to be anything else. Everyone had been very patient and kind, and Jared even felt like he could maybe trust them a bit, but that just made the fear come back, because what if he was wrong? And what if he became too trusting, too reliant on everyone’s goodwill, and that made him less cautious and he messed thing up that way? He just couldn’t afford to let go of his fear completely.

The other thing Jensen had said was, only if it’s what you want. That they would only have sex if Jared wanted to. That was a real worry, because Jared couldn’t really imagine wanting to have sex. Lots of people seemed to like it. Chad talked about it all the time, for example. But whatever made other people like it so much, it seemed like Jared was missing.

Unfortunately, not messing everything up had never really been a talent of Jared’s. He’d screwed up a lot since coming aboard the _Black Gazelle_. No-one had been nasty about all the mistakes he keeps making, but Jared tried to remember them all anyway, in the hopes that he wouldn’t make the same mistake too many times. There are knots he still couldn’t tie, and parts of the rigging he still didn’t dare climb to. Jared didn’t know how many more times Jensen would forgive him for screwing up. He can’t expect to know. Jared hadn’t known he’d used up his last chance with his parents until they got rid of him. It’s safest to assume that this is his last shot, that every mistake he makes could be the end of everything. That way, when it happens, at least he’ll be prepared.

This was what led to Jared’s current predicament. Not paying Jensen enough attention was messing things up. Not paying Jensen the right kind of attention was messing things up. Jared knew this because it had made Jacob really unhappy when Jared didn’t give him enough attention. So this was really important. But Jensen had all these rules about whether or not they can have sex, and if Jared didn’t figure out a way to follow them all and they don’t have sex, then it might be enough for Jensen to get fed up with keeping him around. Jensen had promised he wouldn’t do that. It wasn’t that Jared thought he was lying or that Jensen would set out to deceive him. It was just that Jensen didn’t seem to have realised yet that Jared wasn’t really good for much. Jared couldn’t expect him to keep a promise he made when he didn’t know any better.

So, Jared formed his plan. His Get-Jensen-to-Have-Sex-With-Him Plan. It wasn’t a great plan, or anything. He was pretty sure that if he got the circumstances right and said the right things, it would happen. It frightened him far more to not try to get Jensen to sleep with him than the alternative. And, while he wasn’t sure sex was something he wanted for himself, he really wanted to show his appreciation to Jensen for everything he’d done, so there was that. He was pretty sure Jensen would totally disagree with his reasoning, and that worried him a little bit. He couldn’t figure out what he was supposed to do; all the options seemed wrong in some way, and he didn’t want to do something Jensen would disapprove of, but that seemed inevitable.

At that moment, Jensen walked into the cabin, effectively putting a stop to Jared’s contemplation. It was time to put his plan into action, so Jared got up and walked over, feeling nervous but determined to continue. He gave Jensen what he intended to be a seductive smile, although it didn’t feel right on his face. He wasn’t at all sure what he was doing. The Captain had never waited for Jared to make an advance like this. Jacob had expected it, sometimes, but Jared had known how to read him. He was terribly afraid of displeasing Jensen without realising it. Jensen was looking at him with a fairly blank expression, and Jared didn’t know if that meant he should continue or not.

“Alone at last,” Jared said. It was kind of a ridiculous thing to say. They were alone in this very same room just four hours earlier. But he knew how this went, at least. The words weren’t important, he just had to set the mood. Jensen didn’t move, so Jared swallowed his fear and put his hand on Jensen’s forearm, hoping that Jensen would soon catch up.

Jensen raised an eyebrow at him. It wasn’t a particularly encouraging expression, and Jared froze. “What’s going on?” Jensen asked. Jared’s heart sank. If Jensen had to ask, he was definitely doing something wrong. But it was too late to stop now.

“I thought. That we could. You know.” Jared did his best to explain, but can’t quite force the words out.

“No, I don’t know,” Jensen answered. That can’t possibly be true, Jared thought frantically, he’d been as clear as he could, but he couldn’t accuse Jensen of lying.

“We could have sex. If you want,” Jared blurted finally. Jensen just looked at him, and he could feel his face heating up. He couldn’t quite imagine how humiliating it would be if Jensen turned out not to want him at all. He’d said that he did, and why else would he keep Jared around? But he wasn’t acting the right way.

For a long moment, Jensen seemed to be considering his words. Eventually, he said, “Why?” He didn’t ask the question in a nasty way, as though he was actually asking, ‘why on earth would I want to do that?’ He was asking as though he really wanted Jared to answer.

Jared thought he was probably supposed to say that he wanted to. Jensen had been really insistent about that. But suddenly he couldn’t... he was beginning to think Jensen actually didn’t want anything to do with him, and it would be terribly unfair for him to push Jensen into sex if it wasn’t what he wanted. “If you want to,” he said weakly, “Then we should.”

“And do you want to, as well?”

At this prompting, Jared was able to nod hastily, “Yes. Yes, of course.”

Jensen twisted his mouth unhappily and gave a slight shake of his head. “Jared...” he begins, trailing off into speechlessness.

“I do! Really! Um... but, I mean, only if you want to.”

“Stop.” Jared clamped his jaws shut and tried not to cry. It was totally humiliating, just like he’d imagined. “You don’t want to have sex, you’re so frightened right now you can’t even stand still.”

Jared hadn’t noticed until Jensen pointed it out the way he was shifting his weight and fidgeting with his hands. He tried to stop but couldn’t keep himself from shaking. Jensen was kind enough not to comment.

“I don’t know how to convince you Jared, you don’t have to keep offering me sex to be able to stay on the ship.” Jared nodded. He believed that Jensen meant what he’s saying, but Jensen hadn’t realised yet that Jared had nothing else to offer.

“I’d never forgive myself if I wound up taking advantage of you. Again.” Jensen looked so sad when he said that that Jared just nodded again, even though it didn’t make sense. Jared was the one who initiated things then, just like this time. Jared was the one who should feel bad.

 “Okay?” Jensen asked.

Jared nodded. It really wasn’t, but there was nothing he could do about it. Except, maybe, give Jensen his own space back, now it was clear he wasn’t keeping Jared nearby so he could service Jensen.

“I think, um, I think maybe I should sleep with the crew. In the hold. And...” he wanted to say, get out of your way, let you have your room back, but Jensen was already nodding and his shoulders looked more relaxed, almost like he was relieved.

“Yeah,” said Jensen. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

Jared said nothing in reply. Clearly, Jensen had been sharing his cabin all this time out of kindness, which Jared had taken advantage of. He should have made this suggestion long ago.

***************

2

Jared was very nervous when he first descended the ladder into the hold where the crew slept. On the Cat’s Eye, he had avoided this place as much as he could. He had never gone there willingly, only when he had angered the Captain greatly and he’d decided the only sufficient punishment was for Jared to spend the night in the hold, where the crew could do as they liked with him. Jensen’s crew had never done anything to make Jared think they would treat him that way. But that might change if he were spending time among them well away from Jensen’s eyes.

There wasn’t a lot of space, and the ceiling was too low for Jared to stand upright. Instead of proper bunks, like the one in Jensen’s cabin, the crew slept in hammocks which hung from the beams and were tucked into every corner. Jared wound up sharing a hammock with Richard. He didn’t know the other man very well, because he was on the port watch and always on duty when Jared was off, but he’d offered to share with only a half-hearted admonition not to touch his things. Jared had nodded seriously, and clutched his own belongings to his chest. He didn’t dare give any similar warnings about respecting his own possessions, and merely hoped that they weren’t considered worth taking. He only had a few changes of clothes, anyway. He tucked the sack against the wall under the hammock.

It wasn’t in a great spot, being so near the hatch. The damp and cold got in easily, and every time someone went in or out of the hold, it woke Jared up. The senior members of the crew slept up the other end, where it was warmer and quieter. Jared didn’t mind. The hammock was comfortable and the crew left him in peace. Often, when Jared came off duty, he had to shake Richard awake, and he would stumble up the ladder, bleary eyed and cursing. (At first, Jared hadn’t dared wake the other man. Chris had done it, by tossing mugs of water over Richard’s face. Richard had been pissed. Not at Chris; at Jared for not waking him first. Now, Jared always made sure to wake Richard up if he was still sleeping, and Richard did the same for him. Their conversations were made up largely of semi-coherent mumblings.)

Moving from Jensen’s cabin to the hold didn’t change things much. He still did the same work and the crew all seemed to treat him the same way. He spent a lot of time swabbing the deck, and sifting the gunpowder so it didn’t become damp and useless. His hands started to develop calluses, the skin growing rough and dry. Jared would rub his hands together and listen to the rasping noise that resulted. When he’d first come aboard the ship, and Jensen hadn’t known what to do with him, he’d been stuck down in the bilge working the pumps, for hours. He’d never done work like that before, but he’d hoped that if he proved himself, he might be allowed to earn his keep by working, instead of... what the Captain had kept him for. He’d kept working those pumps for hours, even when his hands started to bleed, determined to show that he could be useful, and not just for warming someone’s bed. The Captain would have been furious if he could see Jared’s hands now, all rough and covered in lots of tiny cuts and scratches. Jared picked at a scab on his knuckle and smiled.

A month, or maybe two, passed like that. Jared learned how to tie a bunch of knots properly, and could hardly believe he’d found it so difficult only weeks before. He even started to feel more comfortable going aloft. He could climb the lower levels without feeling nervous at all. He still didn’t like going higher than that, but he did anyway, because it seemed like any time someone was needed to go up the rigging, Jensen called on Jared to do it. Jared didn’t complain. He though Jensen was maybe still angry with him for – well, whatever he’d done wrong. Jared still wasn’t sure what that was, but he wasn’t very bright and Jensen had every right to be mad at him. Maybe Jensen could tell he didn’t like it, though, because then someone started leaving Jared’s meals in pails hanging from the mast. They got higher every day, and Jared almost thought he would have skipped eating and gone hungry if it wouldn’t make everyone think him a coward.

When Jared wasn’t working or sleeping, he played chess with Jim or watched the others play cards. They always offered to let him join in, but the idea of playing a game with so many other people made Jared a bit too nervous, so he always declined. Sometimes, he worried that the others might grow tired of him just hanging around, and he would go sit by himself in a quiet corner of the ship. Someone would always come and find him, though. Chad would turn up, seemingly at random, and hang around talking about nothing. Talking mostly to himself, because Jared never knew what to say. Chad didn’t seem to mind. Sometimes it was Mike, with a smile just a little bit gentler than normal and a terrible joke that Jared hadn’t heard before. Sometimes it was Tom, who would usually be carrying a book, or sometimes a letter. They never talked much, but Tom would sometimes read a chapter of his book aloud. He always offered to let Jared borrow them, but Jared never accepted. Eventually, Jared felt guilty for making people come looking for him, taking them away from whatever they’d rather be doing, and he stayed around the others.

Misha and Jim taught him things, sometimes. Not to do with working the ship. They gave him books to read, and helped him when he had trouble with them. Jim taught him to do sums, and Misha would always make a point of telling him about the history of the places they sailed to. Jared knew he wasn’t all that bright. He hadn’t been to school since he was eleven, and he hadn’t been the best student before that either. He was embarrassed to have Jim and Misha see how stupid he was, but it was nice to be learning new things beyond what he simply needed to know to survive.

One day, Jared realised that he’d stopped expecting everyone to get tired of being so nice to him. He had to go sit in the mess, which was empty, it being between mealtimes, and quietly freak out, shake and bite his knuckles to keep quiet.

It was Chad who found him that time. He wandered into the mess maybe twenty minutes later, picking up a leftover slice of stale bread as though that was all he was looking for. He sat down not far from Jared and began telling a long, rambling story about a conversation he’d had with David. Jared didn’t respond to anything he said, but he listened closely, not really taking in the words but enjoying the rise and fall of Chad’s voice. He snapped to attention when Chad suddenly stopped speaking, and glancing to the side he saw Chad watching him.

“If I’m annoying you, you can just tell me to piss off,” said Chad, like it was nothing, like Jared could just say that to him and he wouldn’t even care. For a minute, Jared was too stunned to reply.

“No,” he said at last. “No, stay.”

Chad nodded, and launched right back into his story like he’d never stopped.

A few days after that, they docked in a fairly large town and spent the night there. When they left the next day, the _Gazelle_ had gained a new crew member.

The kid’s name was Alex. He was actually a year older than Jared, although he was several inches shorter. He was friendly and outgoing and got along with everyone. Within his first day aboard ship, he had made Jeff laugh at one of his jokes, informed Misha that one of his favourite writers had completed a new book, and convinced Jim to alter one of his recipes to make it sweeter. He slept in the hammock on the other side of the hatch from Jared’s, and, although they weren’t on the same watch, Jared still noticed what he did when he was on duty.

Suddenly, Alex was the one who was always being sent off to swab the decks, or sift the gunpowder, or pump the bilges. Those were Jared’s jobs. Except, now they weren’t anymore, they were this kid Alex’s instead, and Jared was sure Alex did them better than he ever had. Suddenly, Chris had Alex running up the mast a dozen times a day for every little thing. All his meals were left up there. Sometimes, Alex would complain that an item of clothing had gone missing, only to see it soon after hanging far up in the rigging.

Jared couldn’t remember the last time he’d been sent aloft for something besides letting down or taking in sail. He’d almost think that Jensen had forgotten he was alive, except that Jensen kept giving him other things to do. Like manning the helm, or checking the hull for damage. Of course, someone always stood by him at the helm, or followed behind him to double check everything he did. Jared wasn’t trusted to do his own work anymore, and he wondered what he’d done to cause that to happen. He wished he could do his work well, and show that he was up to the job, but he kept making mistakes and needing to be told what to do, so that just made things worse.

One day, when Jared was at the helm with Tom, Alex was playing cards with Chris, Steve and David, nearby enough that Jared could hear them talking. They were laughing and joking, and Chris was ragging on Alex about something. First it was his hair, then his shirt, then the fact that he washed more frequently than anyone else aboard the ship. (Sometimes as often as every second day.) Alex, for his part, responded with insults about Chris’s facial hair, his height, and the fact that he played the fiddle. They went around in a circle of friendly bickering, until Chris called Alex a cheeky bastard and Alex had retorted with a crack about Chris’s mother. Jared watched from the corner of his eye while trying to pretend he wasn’t actually aware of what was happening. He tried to imagine himself doing that, having Chris tell him his shirt was ugly and just laughing like it didn’t matter, or saying, ‘that’s what your mom said!’ He couldn’t.

Was that what he was supposed to be like? All loud and happy and disrespectful? Jared couldn’t even think about acting so impolitely without half expecting someone to turn around and hit him. But he couldn’t help but notice the way the others looked sometimes, when someone told a joke and everyone laughed, except Jared who only gave a tiny smile. Or when someone said something to him that he thought maybe wasn’t serious, but he couldn’t be quite sure, so he answered as though it was, just to be safe. Then there’d be the disappointment and the sad looks. No-one had said anything about it, but Jared knew he wasn’t fitting in with the crew very well. He was still an outsider, and it wasn’t because they weren’t letting him in. It was just that Jared didn’t know how to be around people who didn’t want to hurt him.

Looking at Alex, Jared started to feel displaced. After less than a month, Alex was friendlier with the crew than Jared had managed in nearly four. He did all the things that Jared used to do, and was probably better at them, while Jared was stuck doing work he kept screwing up, with someone watching so they could fix up all his mistakes. It hit Jared then. He wasn’t being displaced, he was being replaced. With Alex around, they didn’t need him to work the ship. Jensen had promised Jared work, but that had been before, and Jared had known all along he’d eventually realise what a bad idea that was. Jared could only blame himself for forgetting that and getting comfortable.

It wouldn’t be long now before everyone started to wonder why they were keeping Jared around. And Jared knew, if he couldn’t be a deckhand, well, there was only one other thing he was good for. He’d realised that he didn’t want to leave the ship. It wasn’t just that everyone had been kind to him – they had, but it was more than that. They were all good people, and Jared liked them. He liked Jensen. Before, Jared had wanted to stay just because the idea of going somewhere else was so intimidating. It still was, but he’d also become sort of happy on the ship. It was a bit like a home, somewhere he felt safe. He didn’t want to leave, so he came up with a plan. Well. It wasn’t exactly a new plan. Actually, it was pretty much the same as his last plan, but the stakes were a lot higher now, so he had to make it work.

Jared was able to meet Jensen outside his cabin at the end of the watch. Jensen looked his way and gave a small smile. He looked relaxed and happy. Jared looked back. They hadn’t really spent time together since Jared had moved out of Jensen’s cabin, and now, as Jared looked at Jensen, thinking about what he was going to try to do, he suddenly looked different. Less imposing and severe, more approachable and, well, and handsome. Jared was suddenly very aware that Jensen was an extremely good looking man.

“Hey, Jared,” said Jensen when he was close enough. “Something I can do for you?”

Jared was extremely proud that his nerves didn’t show at all in his voice when he replied, “Well, it’s really more what I can do for you.”

Jensen simply raised an eyebrow and looked sort of confused, so Jared tried something he never had before. He stepped in closer to Jensen and pressed their lips together.

He’d never initiated a kiss like this before. The Captain had never kissed him, of course. Jacob had, sometimes, but he hadn’t liked it when Jared tried to kiss him first. This was different; Jensen wasn’t pushing him away, but he wasn’t kissing him back either. Jared kept the kiss soft and hoped Jensen would eventually take the lead. Jared was pretty nervous, but he found that even now he wasn’t worried that Jensen would hit him, or yell at him. He was worried that Jensen would kick him off the ship next time they docked, but if the plan worked then that wouldn’t happen.

When the kiss had stretched on for awhile with Jensen not showing any kind of reaction, Jared backed off. Jensen’s face was still carefully blank, which Jared knew by now was not a good sign.

“What’s going on?” Jensen asked.

“Um.” Jared tried to come up with something appropriately flirty. “Nothing, if we’re just going to stand around out here.”

Jensen seemed to consider this, before opening the cabin door and leading the way inside. Jared followed with some trepidation. He watched Jensen light the lamp and sit on the edge of his desk, slowly losing hope that this was going to work. Last time, he’d just been afraid. This time, he was surprised to find that Jensen’s rejection left him feeling hurt. He’d never cared before whether someone wanted him or not, except inasmuch as that influenced how likely they were to hurt him.

“You’re upset about something,” Jensen said, with just the slightest inflection at the end suggesting that he wanted a reply.

Jared struggled with what to say. He found that around Jensen he could never manage to express himself the way he wanted to. He resolved to keep things simple. “No, I’m not.”

“Okay,” said Jensen, his tone of voice suggesting that he didn’t believe Jared at all. “Then what... I mean, I don’t want to be an asshole, but last time you wanted to have sex, it was because you were scared. So, I’m kind of wondering if something’s happened to make you feel scared. If you tell me, I promise I’ll try to fix it.”

“No! No, no, not at all.” This was a bigger disaster than Jared had thought. Jensen thought Jared didn’t want to sleep with him at all, that he was just doing this to try to manipulate Jensen. That hurt even more than his initial rejection. “I’m not – not having a freak-out, I promise. I just...” Jared wanted to say that he really wanted to have sex with Jensen, but he could tell Jensen wasn’t going to buy that.

“You just what?”

“I just... I just want to stay here. I want to stay on the ship.” Jared hadn’t meant to tell the truth, but he was so tired of trying to figure out what everyone wanted him to say, only to have them not believe him when he said it.

Now Jensen just looked confused. “But... of course you can stay on the ship. Why... did someone say something to you? Did they? You can tell me who it was, Jared, I promise...”

“No, no-one said anything to me, everyone’s been wonderful. I just. You know. You’ve got Alex now.”

“Alex? What does he have to do with anything?”

Jared wanted to yell with frustration. “You know!” How did Jensen not get this? “You hired on Alex. He can do the work now, you don’t need me. It’s okay. Anyway, I’m really better at...” Jared nodded his head over towards the bunk. “So, if you still don’t mind me staying on the ship, we could do that.”

“You can’t even say it,” Jensen murmured absently. Jared flushed. He knew, after everything he’d done and had done to him, it was stupid to be embarrassed to talk about sex. He couldn’t help it.

Jared began to open his mouth to speak. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but Jensen interrupted anyway. “Okay,” he said seriously. “Okay. Jared... I think there’s been a misunderstanding. So let me clear some things up. Alex isn’t here to replace you.”

“But...”

“You know, about five months ago, three of my crew were killed?”

Jared winced, and nodded. Jensen was referring to the men who’d been killed in the raid on the Captain’s ship, the one where Jensen had found Jared.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know,” said Jensen, apparently reading Jared’s mind. “We wanted Peters dead. We didn’t even know you existed. They didn’t die because of you.”

Jared nodded, because Jensen’s voice left no room for argument.

“So, anyway, we’ve been short-handed for awhile. You filled one spot, and now Alex has filled another. That’s it. We might end up taking on someone else eventually, but maybe not.”

Jensen paused for a minute, so Jared felt bold enough to press. “He’s doing... all the jobs I used to do. “ It suddenly felt like a very stupid complaint, mostly because of the way Jensen was looking at him.

“Um... yeah?” Jensen hesitated, and, when Jared still demonstrated his brilliant ability to not get it, he explained, “You’re not the bottom of the ladder anymore, Jared. You know how to do all that stuff now. So you’re ready to learn something new. And once you’ve learned that, we’ll teach you something else. That’s... you didn’t think we’d have you pumping the bilges till the end of time, did you?”

Jared wasn’t sure how to answer. “That’s – that would have been okay. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Jensen got that sad look again, the one Jared hated. “I know. But it wouldn’t have been okay. That’s not... it’s not how this works, okay? You’re not, like, just here to do all the shit work. You’re one of us.”

Jared nodded obediently, and for the first time he started to feel like Jensen really meant that. As though he was really just doing the same things everyone else on the ship had done, worked the same jobs and learned the same skills, and one day maybe he would know all the same things they knew. That was kind of a heady thought.

“Is anything else bothering you?”

Jared thought about all the doubts he’d been having, about fitting in with the crew and being able to learn everything he needed to know and not seeming like too much of a freak to everyone else. He decided not to talk to Jensen about that, but was surprised to find himself considering it at all. He could tell Jensen everything, if he wanted to. He would try to make it better, although Jared doubted there was much Jensen could do to fix him. He was pretty fucked up. “There’s nothing else,” he said, offering a little smile. “Just... thanks. For listening to me be stupid and stuff. I feel better.”

“It’s fine,” said Jensen. “I mean, you’re not being stupid. It’s good, that you talked to me. I’m glad I could help. And, if, you know, if you’re worrying about stuff again, just talk to me, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

  
Things got better. More time passed and Jared got better at sailing, good enough that he usually knew what needed doing before he was told. He could carry on a conversation without mumbling and stammering like an idiot. If it was someone he knew, anyway. He still let the others do all the talking when they went ashore in strange towns. He thought of the rest of the crew as his friends, and he thought they felt the same way about him.

Ever since the day, six months ago, when he’d first really looked at Jensen and seen him, properly, he hadn’t been able to not notice him anymore. He saw Jensen when they had the early watches and the sunrise threw him into silhouette as he stood at the helm. When they sailed in bad weather and Jensen would climb up the rigging while the ship tossed in the waves, a huge grin splitting his face even as he struggled to keep his grip and not be thrown into the ocean. When Jensen joined the rest of them for meals, Jared found that he tended to only half eat whatever was on his plate, because he spent so much time looking at Jensen while trying to make it seem as though he wasn’t. It seemed as though everyone had noticed anyway; Jared could tell by the way they smirked at him. It was a little bit embarrassing, but he tried to pretend everything was fine. It worked for a while.

One day, in the time between when they had finished lunch and when they had to go back on watch, Jensen was explaining to Jared some defensive strategy he had for the ship. It was all scribbled on scraps of paper and didn’t make much sense to Jared, but Jensen was taking it really seriously so he nodded and tried to understand. In the middle of listing different types of cannons and their strengths and weaknesses, Jensen looks around at Jared mid-sentence, and notices Jared’s eyes on him. He kind of twitched and looked away, his cheeks turning just a little pink.

Oh, Jared thought. Okay.

It had been months and Jared had sort of accepted that Jensen wasn’t interested in him like that. It was the most logical explanation; Jensen had to know that Jared was his, if he wanted him. Jensen could have him any time he wanted, so if he didn’t act on Jared’s availability, it had to be because he didn’t want to. But after that moment, Jared started to notice things. Jensen spent a lot more time teaching Jared things than he did with Alex. Which made sense, because Alex was on Chris’s watch. But even Chris didn’t spend much time with Alex, mostly letting the less senior sailors teach him what he needed to know.

Jensen spoke to Jared a bit differently than he did to everyone else. Well, everyone did that, up to a point, and it was probably because they thought he was fragile and might break down and cry all over their shirts if they were mean, like he’d done to Jensen that one time. But, actually, that wasn’t so true anymore, and just the other day Chris had yelled at him for taking the last bacon rasher. (Jared had mumbled something snide under his breath and Chris had given him some weird salute for ‘almost having the balls to tell me off’. It had been kind of sweet.)

So, if Jensen was always making the effort to say nice things to Jared, and teach him stuff, and check that he was okay, maybe it was for some other reason than Jensen just being a nice guy. Not that he wasn’t a nice guy, also, but he didn’t really do those things for anyone else. And he didn’t look at anyone else the way Jared sometimes noticed Jensen looking at him.

Jared thought back to the time he’d kissed Jensen. He’d thought about it quite a lot, wondered what it would be like to kiss Jensen and have him kiss back. He wondered if Jensen would kiss him like that now. It wasn’t going to happen though, because Jared had learned his lesson and wasn’t going to go through that again. He decided not to do anything about it.

It wasn’t quite that simple, though, because Jensen still looked at Jared, and Jared still thought about Jensen a lot. Jared found himself doing things, mostly unintentionally, to get Jensen’s attention. Little things, like standing closer than he needed to when they were talking. Or sitting next to Jensen in the mess, even if there was more room somewhere else. Or seeing something, just something silly, something small, in the marketplace of a little town they spent the night in, and buying it just because it made him think of Jensen.

It was a deck of cards with a ship on the back, a famous ship that Jensen told stories about a lot. When he found Jensen in the common room of the inn they were staying in, he handed the cards over without explaining, knowing that Jensen would understand. Jensen flicked through the cards and grinned. “What’s the occasion?” Jensen asked.

Jared shrugged. “Just felt like it,” he said. He wasn’t meaning to, but Jensen was looking at him again, only this time he wasn’t even trying to pretend he wasn’t, and that made Jared feel suddenly brave. He leaned in and brushed his mouth lightly against Jensen’s. It was barely even a kiss. Jared sat back afterwards, feeling sort of stunned and giddy at his own daring. Jensen was still looking at him, looking a little stunned as well.

“Um...” Jensen began. “You’re not freaking out on me again, are you?”

“No?” said Jared. He didn’t think he was.

“Oh. That’s good, because, you know, we talked about that.”

“Oh. Right. No, I just. Um. I just sort of... wanted to? Sorry.” Jared got up to leave, but Jensen grabbed his wrist before he could go too far.

“Don’t, I mean. I didn’t mind,” said Jensen, smiling a bit. “I just, um, I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.”

“Oh.” Jared sat back down. “Me, too. I mean, it’s hard for me to tell what you’re thinking, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like,” Jared gathered up his nerve and plunged on, “Like, sometimes I think it seems like you want me to kiss you? But then I’m not sure. So. I dunno. Do you?”

“Uh...”

Jensen looked slightly panicky, so Jared kept talking. “Because I do. Want to kiss you. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to kiss me, like if you don’t want to hurt my feelings or something. That would suck.”

“Yeah, um. Yeah. That would totally suck. God, Jared.” Jensen’s voice sounded a bit strangled, and then he coughed and said, more clearly. “Luckily, I absolutely would like to kiss you. A lot. Really.”

“Really?” Jared looked around the mostly but not completely empty common room. “Like, here?”

“Um. Where did you have in mind?”

“I dunno. Somewhere with less people?” Jared thought it was probably pretty silly to be embarrassed by just kissing someone in a mostly empty room, but he didn’t like the idea of people watching.

“We could go up to my room. If that’s okay with you?”

“I guess.” Jared paused as a new thought occurred to him. “Just to kiss though, right? Not... I mean...” Jared trailed off, not quite sure how Jensen would react if he said he wasn’t willing to do more than kiss.

“That’s fine. Jared, listen.” Jensen sounded serious, so Jared listened closely. “You tell me you want to stop, or there’s something you don’t want to do, that’s it. We’ll stop, or we won’t do whatever it is. I promise. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Jared felt himself smile, really smile. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

*****************

4

They spent a lot of time kissing, after that. At random moments. It didn’t seem like a big deal. Jensen would give Jared a peck on the lips at the start of their watch, before they went their separate ways to work. Or when they were sitting down to eat, Jensen sometimes wrapped an arm around Jared’s shoulder, or his waist, and kissed his cheek or his jaw. Jared always blushed bright red, because there was no privacy on the ship and everyone could see. It was okay, though. The crew would tease them sometimes but they never went too far, and if Jared started to feel too embarrassed Jensen would usually realise and get everyone to back off. It was fine.

After a month or so, it stopped bothering Jared so much. Sometimes, if there weren’t lots of people around and no-one was looking, he would kiss Jensen instead of waiting for Jensen to kiss him. Sometimes they spent a lot of time kissing, until Jensen stopped them and complained that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate when it was his watch. Jared wasn’t sure why he complained. Jensen had an entire cabin to himself. Jared just had the hold. There was no privacy in there to take care of things, even though, for the first time Jared could remember, he really wanted to.

Jared got his revenge, though, kissing Jensen till he was breathless, across his cheek and down his jaw where he left a line of little hickeys, high up where Jensen’s collar wouldn’t hide them. Chris gave him shit about it for days.

There was a day where, between watches, Jared and Jensen hid in Jensen’s cabin and spent more than an hour just kissing. Jared got really into it, cupping Jensen’s face in his hands and feeling Jensen run his fingers through Jared’s hair, tugging just a little bit. It was awesome. Jared slipped one hand under the hem of Jensen’s shirt, let his hand sit on Jensen’s waist and felt the smooth skin there. He ran his hand up Jensen’s side and Jensen gasped into his mouth, pushing his hips forward a little bit. _Yes_ , Jared thought. He shifted one leg forward, slipping his thigh between Jensen’s. Jensen moaned and pushed even closer, and that was _it_ , he was right there and Jared could feel Jensen’s cock against his own, through their trousers. Should do something about that, he thought, before Jensen sprang away.

“Sorry, God, Jared, I’m so, so sorry...” Jensen was babbling and apologising and Jared didn’t understand why for a second. What happened, he wondered, can’t we go back to a couple of minutes ago?

Jensen was looking at him with this panicked expression, saying, “I’m really sorry, Jared, are you okay? I didn’t...” That’s when Jared remembered, oh yeah, he was damaged, broken, and Jensen was worried he’d upset him. He’d started off remembering, every day, where he came from and how Jensen had found him. Now he only remembered when something reminded him. Like now. Moments like this sucked.

“Jared, are you alright? Just say something, okay?”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

Jared nodded, even though he wasn’t the one who was freaked out, Jensen was. “I should go,” he said, even though his watch didn’t start for another two hours.

Things got really awkward after that. Jensen was doing that thing he’d done before, where he watched Jared and tried to pretend he wasn’t. It was really obvious now, though, because Jared knew what to look for. They didn’t get much time together, but it wasn’t until Chris complained at mess about Jensen taking all his meals in his cabin that Jared realised Jensen was actually avoiding him. That made him feel worse. Maybe Jensen was actually disgusted by what they’d nearly done, by the idea of having sex with someone who’d done all the things Jared had. Jared didn’t think Jensen would think that, but what did he really know anyway? Not enough to make Jensen stop avoiding him, obviously.

A week later Jim cooked a special meal because it was Jared’s birthday. He did it for everyone on the ship, when it was their birthday, but Jared thought Jim had done a little bit more for his. There was roasted meat, actual fresh meat and not the dried stuff they usually ate. There were vegetables and fresh bread, with actual butter, and there was enough for everyone to have seconds, if they didn’t take too much, and that never happened. There was even a cake, not very big but they cut it into small slices and shared it out, and it was great.

Jensen came to the mess for that meal. He couldn’t avoid it, Jared knew, because everyone had already noticed how things were between them, and they were gossiping about it, speculating about whether they’d had a fight and what it was about. It was probably nothing compared to what they’d all start saying if Jensen skipped Jared’s birthday dinner.

After, when they were on watch, Jared was working up near the stern and saw Jensen heading his way.  He thought at first Jensen was seeking him out and they might finally get to clear the air. Jensen obviously didn’t know he was there, though, because the moment he noticed Jared he stopped dead and turned around. Jared got kind of mad. He wasn’t sure what Jensen’s problem was, but he didn’t think he’d done anything to deserve this, and if he had, the least Jensen could do would be to tell him what it was.

“Hey!” he called. “Hey, Jensen!”

At first Jensen seemed like he was going to pretend he didn’t hear. Jared left his work unfinished and stalked in Jensen’s direction. Jensen looked around with a bit of a grimace, like he was steeling himself for something.

“What is up with you?” Jared asked, getting straight to the point.

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, rather weakly. It was such a weak attempt at deflection that Jared just looked at him until he crumbled. “It’s nothing,” he said. “It’s nothing. I just... I just feel sort of bad. For making you uncomfortable. I didn’t... anyway, you shouldn’t have to be around me if you don’t want to be.”

“If I don’t _want_ to be?” Jared asked. “I thought you’d let me make up my own mind what I wanted. You’re avoiding me. You’ve just decided, what, I shouldn’t be around you now?”

“Oh!” Jensen looked startled. “I didn’t think... I mean, I just figured you wouldn’t... after...”

“And that’s another thing,” said Jared, getting really warmed up to the topic. “You don’t want to, like, make out any more or something? You could have let me know.”

“I just thought, like, maybe it was going a little too far. I wanted to make sure you were okay with it, that you didn’t feel pressured...”

“I was _fine_ with it!” said Jared furiously. “It was great! It only bothered me when you started acting like I was going to freak out on you. If I had a problem with something you did, I’d tell you.”

Jensen looked taken aback at first, and then like he was gathering the nerve to say something. “Would you really, Jared?” he asked. “Because, I mean, in the past it seems like you’ve done what you thought I wanted, whether or not it was what you wanted.”

“I... yeah, I know.” Jared thought about Jensen’s question seriously. “You could have just asked me what I wanted, you know. Because, you just started avoiding me and didn’t tell me what was up... that was the first time in a while that I felt like, like I needed to worry about making you happy. Doing whatever you wanted. I... next time, just ask me.”

“Okay,” said Jensen. “Yeah. Right. I was kind of an asshole, huh?”

Jared gave a small smile. “A little bit, yeah.”

“I missed kissing you.”

“So did I.”

Jensen twisted his mouth and looked away for a second. “I think... I mean, it would be good, if you wanted to, we could do more. Do other stuff. Just, only what you want. Nothing else.”

“Yeah,” said Jared. “Yeah. I think we should do that.”

“Right,” said Jensen. He bounced on his toes a little bit.

“But we’re still on watch.”

“Oh. Yeah. So. Not right now, then.”

“I guess not. But after...”

“Oh, yeah. After. That would be... yeah.”

“I’ll see you. At your cabin?”

Jensen smiled, wide and excited. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

As it turned out, though, they didn’t get up to anything in Jensen’s cabin. Jared went back to his work, thinking that it would be difficult to concentrate for the rest of the watch. The sun was setting, but it was quite cloudy and dark, even though it was still technically daylight. The wind had been blowing hard all day, but it grew brisker as the evening went on, and spatters of rain began to fall. Jensen began to look worried. “It’s going to storm,” he said. “Gonna be a bad one. Get everything tied down.”

There was plenty of work to keep them busy for the rest of the watch, taking in sail and making sure everything on deck was tied down. The rain was coming down heavily within an hour, but Jared was down in the bilge by then, working the pumps with Chad to get rid of excess water in case the ship was damaged. At the end of the watch, Jensen sent them both off to rest but stayed on deck himself to keep an eye on things.

Jared didn’t sleep much. The ship was pitching sharply in the waves, and whenever he began to doze he was jolted awake. It wasn’t long before the bell began to ring and he heard Chris calling for all hands. Up on deck, it was clear the storm had worsened a lot. Jensen was at the helm, with David, Steve and Mike, all wrestling the wheel. Other deckhands were rushing around on deck, making sure the sails were all secure. If one was tugged loose by the wind, it could be disastrous. Jared wound up working the pumps again, with Tom and Alex as well as Chad this time. They were down there for a long time, with the storm not appearing to let up at all. Eventually, Misha and Richard came down to relieve them, and they took a turn up on deck. It wasn’t like a rest, really, because they were still working frantically, but they were using different muscles, which was at least something.

The storm lasted for sixteen hours. At some point, a hole developed in the ship’s hull, and the cargo hold began taking on water. They realised fairly quickly, luckily because they couldn’t afford to lose too much of their cargo. They set up more pumps and worked them twice as hard, but it didn’t help much. Jensen got them shifting the cargo to every dry part of the ship it would fit, filling up the mess and his cabin with barrels and chests. Around noon the next day, the weather began to ease up. The extra deck hands were dismissed to get some rest, but Jared had to stay out and finish his watch. At four in the afternoon, he managed to eat some hardtack and stumble down into the hold to collapse into his hammock. He could see Jensen not far away, sleeping in the hold with the crew because his cabin was full of junk.

Jared could have slept for a day, but had to force himself awake after four hours to get back on deck. Everyone seemed equally tired. There had been some minor damage to the fore-mast and some of the sails, but the biggest issue was the hole in the hull. They’d patched it as best they could, and set a course for a town where it could be fixed properly. In the meantime, watches were a bit busier than usual as they had to keep working the extra pumps and stitch sailcloth on top of everything else.

It wasn’t until the next day when Jared fell into his hammock after a watch that he remembered what he and Jensen had been planning before everything happened. He looked over to the hammock Jensen was using temporarily, and could see Jensen looking back at him. Jared thought Jensen would probably be happy to take Jared to a dark corner of the hold and do it right there. He wouldn’t, though, because he had to know Jared wouldn’t be okay with that, and Jared knew Jensen wouldn’t ask him to do something that he didn’t want to. Still, Jared felt pretty frustrated to think of Jensen’s cabin all full of junk when they could have been using it to have sex right then.

“We’ll reach port tomorrow,” said Jensen at the start of their next watch. “I’ll get us a hotel room, while the ship’s being fixed.”

“Awesome,” said Jared.

The town wasn’t all that big, and there was only one place letting rooms. Jared took care of those arrangements while Jensen saw about getting the materials to fix the ship. They spent what was left of the day working on the repairs, and then headed back to the tavern to eat. After that, they spent some time with the rest of the crew, drinking and talking and relaxing. They didn’t get much of a chance to do that, all together, while they’re at sea. Eventually, around midnight, the bartender looked like he wants to shoo everyone out, and Jared and Jensen headed up to their room. Jared pounced on Jensen the moment the door was closed, ignoring his surprised grunt. They kissed urgently, and Jared stealthily untucked Jensen’s shirt, mumbling to him between kisses, “I’m fine, not freaking out, this is fine...”

“Okay, I fucking get it already,” Jensen growled after a minute of that.

“Just making sure. So, you gonna take that shirt off or what?”

Of course, it was at this exact moment that someone knocked on the door. Jensen gave a frustrated groan and flung it open. “Whatever you want, it had better be a matter of life and death,” he snarled to the people on the other side, who turned out to be Chris and Steve.

“Hey, Jensen, guess what,” said Chris cheerily.

“What?” Jensen asked.

Steve gave Chris a cutting glare. “Don’t be a jerk,” he said. His expression, when he looked at Jensen, was at least slightly apologetic. “They stuffed up with the rooms,” he explained. “Some other bunch of guys booked ahead, or something, and there’s not enough space. We’re doubling up everywhere, but, well. Can we share with you?”

Jensen looked like he wanted to say no, but Jared spoke up first. Chris and Steve were his friends too, after all, and he wasn’t going to make them sleep in the hall. “Of course you can,” he said. He could hear a dull thud as Jensen let his head land against the wall, and shrugged at him. Jensen shrugged back and rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” said Jensen. “Come in and get some sleep. We’ve got a ship to fix.”

***************

5

Fixing the _Gazelle_ took five days. It was a nice change of pace, being able to sleep for more than four hours at a time and eat good food as often as they wanted. Still, by the time they left the port, Jared found he was quite happy to be back on the water. And not just for the obvious reasons. The constant motion of the ship in the waves was pleasant, and the ship had become the one place where Jared always knew exactly what he should be doing.

Jared and Jensen finished their watch at midnight. Jensen had been looking Jared’s way with an increasingly heated gaze ever since about three bells, so Jared needed no prompting to meet Jensen at his newly emptied cabin. They went inside and Jensen closed the door, leaned against it for a minute and apparently listened to the sounds of the port watch working outside.

“Alone at last?” Jared asked, a bit uncertainly.

Jensen laughed a little and slumped back against the door. “Fuck,” he said. “Can you believe this last week?”

Jared laughed too. “Not really,” he said. “It’s been kinda ridiculous.”

“Yeah.” Jensen smiled at him, soft and open, and stood up. He walked a step closer to Jared and held his hands. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” he said softly.

Jared swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “Me too,” he said.

“What do you want to do?”

Jared really wanted to get naked, but feeling slightly nervous, he said instead, “Kiss me.”

Jensen fitted their mouths together and kissed Jared slowly. Jared could feel himself relaxing, his nerves easing with the familiarity of Jensen’s lips and tongue and his hands on Jared’s shoulders, his neck and his face. Jensen dropped his hands then, untucking Jared’s shirt.

“Is this okay?” he asked. Jared nodded.

“You, too,” he said, pulling at Jensen’s shirt. Jensen pulled Jared’s shirt over his head and then removed his own. He leaned in to kiss Jared again, and Jared gasped, feeling the press of Jensen’s chest against his own, the weight and warmth of him. Jensen slid his hands from Jared’s waist around his back. Jared tensed up a little bit, because he knew the scars were there, and Jensen knew the scars were there, but it was different having Jensen just go and touch them like that. Jensen didn’t say anything though, and it wasn’t long before Jared got his mind back on kissing. He put his own hands on Jensen’s hips and tugged him closer, and the press of Jensen groin against his sent a jolt of pleasure through him, so strong he clutched at Jensen to keep standing upright.

“Okay?” Jensen asked, and Jared had to concentrate really hard on the word before he could figure out what it meant.

“Bunk,” he said. “Bunk. We should lie down.”

Jensen shuddered and nodded, and they sort of shuffled towards the bunk, awkwardly because they weren’t willing to let any space come between them. Luckily it wasn’t far. Jared laid back on the bunk and Jensen climbed up to straddle his legs. It pulled the cloth of Jensen’s pants, and Jared could see the outline of his cock, felt his own grow harder at the sight. He reached out for the waistband of Jensen’s pants, trying to get them undone. Jensen was trying to kiss him at the same time, giving a frustrated groan at Jared’s distraction, until he figured out what Jared was trying to do and helped. He kicked the pants off at last, and Jared finally got a good look at him. He hadn’t seen Jensen naked before. He’d seen more of the rest of the crew than he had any desire to, but Jensen had his own cabin and took advantage of the extra privacy.

Something of Jared’s thoughts must have shown on his face, because Jensen slowed down, moved over Jared gently and sensuously, like he was showing off. Jared could see a faint blush on his cheeks, but he still let Jared look his fill, and Jared took advantage of that. It was a nice view. He let his hand run over Jensen’s hips and across his ass, enjoying the way Jensen twitched and thrust his hips forward. Jared had sort of been trying not to look at Jensen’s cock too much, which was kind of stupid when he thought about what they were doing, and he couldn’t really help but look at it. He’d never really had much interest in dicks before, but Jensen’s was pretty nice, he supposed. He reached out and ran his thumb down the side, enjoying the way Jensen shuddered and actually _whined_. He ran his hand back up to the tip, let his fingertips rub over the head. Jensen jerked his hips again, trying to push his cock into Jared’s hand, so Jared let his fingers close around it and stroked slowly.

“Oh, yeah, Jared, yeah,” Jensen moaned. Jared grinned a little bit. He knew how to do this; he was going to drive Jensen out of his mind. He gripped Jensen tighter and single-mindedly went to work, enjoying the way Jensen clutched his shoulders and leaned his head against Jared’s neck, the way he just let Jared do as he pleased, the trust he showed by doing that. By the sound of Jensen’s ragged breaths, and the way he shook under Jared’s hands, Jared thought he was close, and he sped up his strokes, cupping Jensen’s face with his other hand. Jensen gave a cry as he came, cutting it off halfway through, and slumped down to lay half on top of Jared, his body becoming limp and boneless. Jared let Jensen lie against him, liking the way he felt, the weight and pressure and the way he was just there. Jensen stayed like that for a few minutes, and Jared thought maybe he’d gone to sleep. But soon, Jensen was moving and looking up, his eyes meeting Jared’s and the corners of his mouth turning up.

“Hey,” he said in a low voice.

“Hey?” Jared replied, a little unsure. Jensen kissed him gently on his lips, his jaw, then the base of his throat. Jared hummed happily. He enjoyed the attention without realising Jensen’s intentions until the other man was kissing his stomach, just below his belly button. “Jensen,” Jared gasped, when he began to undo Jared’s pants.

“This okay?” Jensen asked, and it took a moment before Jared recovered the wits to nod, struck as he was by the idea of Jensen touching his cock. Then it was happening, Jensen had Jared out of his pants and in his hands. Jared wasn’t quite prepared for the intensity of it, and he stuck his wrist in his mouth because he wasn’t sure he could keep from shouting. It wasn’t as though the entire crew wasn’t going to realise what they were doing, but they didn’t need to hear. Jensen smirked at Jared like he knew what he was thinking, and then he lowered his head and let his tongue glide across the head of Jared’s cock.

If Jensen’s hands had been intense, his mouth was unbelievable. Jared threw his head back and moaned around his arm, no trace of any more coherent thought than _yes oh yes oh yes_ in his mind. If he’d still been aware of concepts like time and minutes and seconds, he might have been embarrassed by how quickly Jensen was able to bring him to the edge, but he was busy trying to muster the words to warn Jensen he was going to come.

“Gonna – gonna-“ he managed, and Jensen replied,

“Mmmm.” Jared closed his eyes and bit down on his wrist as he came. He was dimly aware of Jensen slowly pulling off his softening cock and moving on the bunk, coming up to lie beside him.

“Are you... was that... okay?” Jensen asked. Jared didn’t usually think of Jensen as being unsure, Jensen was the one who always knew what to do, but there was a trace of it in his voice now.

“That was awesome,” said Jared. “That was amazing. We can do that again, right?”

Jensen laughed into his ear. “Sure,” he said. “Do you mind if we sleep a little first?”

“Sleep is good,” answered Jared. “But later, we’ll. More of that. You’re going to need your rest.”

“I think you might be right,” said Jensen, pulling Jared closer and wrapping his arms around him. Jared in turn put his arms around Jensen. He wasn’t sure which of them fell asleep first.


End file.
